Hi Everyone,
I’m Anthony Yannotta and, as a new contributor for Spiritual Biz Magazine, I’m excited to have such an amazing opportunity to offer my own perspective of deep-diving into the uncomfortable. The side of spirituality that isn’t often spoken about and an important step I often overlooked.
Darkness isn’t something I was taught to be a good thing but as I aged in life I reached a point when I realized something had to change. For so many years it seemed I’ve been on this endless cycle of round and round we go, always the same issue with different places and different faces.
Then I remembered something someone suggested to me, they said…“After you get on a roller coaster having been full of fear and now that you’re having a blast tell me, where has your fear gone?” Hmmm, I thought, what if walking into the uncomfortable within me leads me to the place where I find my Joy?
It sure is easier getting on a roller coaster thinking about it like that so, maybe that’s exactly what I need to do and clear these uncomfortable patterns once and for all. Perhaps I can walk into my deepest darkest fears and come out shinning…lol. So let’s talk a little about what that looked like for me.
There was a time when I couldn’t stand to look at myself and I hated who I was most of my life. For a long time, I was bullied, made fun of for being fat and it seemed as if I couldn’t do anything right. It all made me feel stupid, worthless and over time the stress of it all made me sick.
I call those feelings the uncomfortable faces of darkness with me. Often those parts of myself would show themselves to people and for so many years I’ve been reassured of the exact opposite. Thing is, even with all the reassurance in the world those feelings still existed within me and nothing could convince me otherwise they weren’t true.
I thought about all the faces inside me and said I want to see you. I stood in front of a mirror and called them out, I looked at them one by one and said come here and sit down. Who are you? Why are you here? What are you doing? They responded saying…we’re here to protect you.
You’re protecting me! The hell you are, can’t you see you’re ruining my life? Can’t you see that how you, Mr. Anger, tried protecting me and all you did was push away the people trying to love me? You, Mr. Unimportant, always pushed your opinions on others and pushed people away because they never asked for help. You, Mr. Stupid… you never allowed me to take that step into fame, keeping my genius hidden and over and over…hmmmm. Over and over I’d be filled with inspiration and fail to bring it to life because of you. I looked like a failure so many times in my life because you believed you were protecting me. You, Mr. Ugly…to me you’re the worst one of them all. You took away my ability to recognize my own value and for so many years I allowed people to step on me, push me down, make me feel like I didn’t deserve anything good in life, didn’t deserve to be loved, didn’t deserve to be held, hugged or even allowed to cry.
You know what you guys…it was never the people around me who hurt me. For years I blamed them and for what? For showing me the things inside of myself that I wasn’t aware of? They offered me the gift of seeing the unseen and I hurt most of them. Can’t you see what’s happening? Well, I do and I’m so happy I had the courage to face my darkness because now I remember who I am and I’m going to do for you what all those people who I believed hurt me needed all along.
I opened my arms and said Mr. Anger, Mr. Unimportant, Mr. Stupid, and Mr. Ugly…I love you all for trying to protect me. I can see how each of you believed you were doing the right thing but I can see now what was really happening. Instead of me believing in myself I believed what other people said about me and I created you. I know who we are now, I’m going to show you the truth, and here’s how. One by one I walked up to each of them knowing I am Love and hugged them so tight. I said, you my friend, weren’t for nothing, you are a blessing in my life and the key to me remembering who I am. They each smiled, interesting too because within each of them I noticed a hidden face and all the same. Who are you I asked?
I’m Mr. Mistake, I’m here to show you that regardless of the darkness you created there are no mistakes. There is love in all things, in every experience, in light, and in darkness, in the seen and the unseen. Yes…I see now that having only a God of light creates perfectionism and is a means to an end. I see now the seen and unseen, the knowing that God is all things light and dark. That I AM an Eternal Being of Consciousness, I’m always creating, always expanding, in all things and all forms. That I am not capable of death and live in a constant state of rebirth! I’m finally free, Free at last, Free at last, Thank you God Almighty I’m Free at last!!!
I hope my story offers a new perspective of a dream that one of the greatest men who ever lived, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was cultivating. Together, my brother, we are Free! Love You! – Thank you!
