I often hear sensitive people say they are independent and don’t care what others think.
I said this myself for years. NOW it’s actually true.
I did not want to admit that I was using my sensitivity as an excuse to be co-dependent. But I was.
I had to choose to be responsible for my own self and stop using my ability to feel others’ emotions as an excuse to keep my co-dependency alive.
It was scary. I didn’t know who I would be without all my dysfunctional, co-dependent relationships. Even the ones I thought were fairly healthy had nuances of co-dependency.
I was floored when I took an honest look at who I was being. We are asking to be the best we can, but refuse to take action where we can improve. Improvement doesn’t mean who you are now is bad. It simply means that as an extension of Source, you were born to expand into something more, something greater. This is why you are sensitive, you are sensitive to your connection to Source.
Why do we ignore our own “dark side”, to our detriment? All too often we fall victim to the idea that life is only meant to be sunshine and rainbows. We all know that place of comfort and security gets boring quickly as it limits our ability to expand. To stay in this place of limitation, we must now depend on others to feed our soul instead of our expansive connection to Source.
If you can not feel ok and at peace, if the other person doesn’t feel, respond, act/behave the way you want, then you are co-dependent.
Simple. Really.
I used to call it type A, but I was super controlling. I needed people to feel, respond and act in a certain way, so I could handle my empathy. This is what I told myself. But really, I was afraid of my own greatness, my own ability to tap into Source and become more than I presently was or thought I could be.
The worst fall out, for me, was the growing resentment I had for myself and others.
I resented myself for:
- not speaking up
- not putting myself first
- not having stronger boundaries
- letting myself be treated a certain
- being taken advantage of
I resented others for:
- not letting me speaking up
- not putting me first ever
- not honoring my boundaries
- treating or not treating me a certain
- taking advantage of me
Hmmm. Do you see a common thread there? What I didn’t claim for myself, do for myself, believe for myself… I just blamed other people for. Never taking full control of myself, my life, my empathy, my connection to Source.
I was in a constant state of irritation with myself and others, always on edge, always trying to keep up the appearance of happy, happy, happy. Just one small step away from blowing my fuse about something seemingly small, getting angry then bursting into tears. I was an emotional mess.
And then I decided not to be. I worked my ass off to be the person I knew I was. And I still do. I enjoy the heck out of my personal power, expansion, connection, and growth. I made a commitment to myself to be the unconditional, non-judgmental LOVE I wish to see in the world. I made a commitment to release fear, guilt, blame, shame, manipulation, you name it. All the emotions/feelings I pretended I didn’t have or feel.
Until you choose to be empowered by your sensitivity and take full control of who and how you are you will never feel at peace in your sensitivity. You will never live in harmony with your ability to feel more. It will always be the most powerful tool you have that’s holding you back when it can really be used to lift you up.
Stop being a victim. Stop being co-dependent. Stop blaming your sensitivity. I know this sounds harsh, but the truth is, you are so much more than you are allowing yourself to be, and I for one, can longer stand back and pretend that isn’t true.
