We live in a world of conflict: wars, politics, competition, divorce, racism, territorial disputes, global destruction, fueled by power, anger, greed, jealousy, terror, rage, apathy. We think the conflict is with the other who is opposed to us.
Yet, what is not apparent is that the real conflict is WITHIN us. Therefore fighting each other is completely ineffective, and in fact, STRENGTHENS and PERPETUATES our conflict and suffering.
How do we create new realities, so we don’t continue this viscous cycle? We can choose to stop REACTING out of FEAR and RESISTANCE and start RESPONDING from LOVE and ACCEPTANCE.
Here’s a simple step-by-step approach:
1. BREATHE
When you encounter conflict, take a few seconds to BREATHE several long breaths.
2. FEEL
As you are breathing, become AWARE of what emotion you are FEELING, while resisting the urge to get lost in the story. For example, instead of saying “That SOB just cut me off in traffic!” you can say, “I feel ANGRY right now.” Or instead of saying “So and so won’t communicate with me,” you can say, “I feel SAD right now. “
3. HUG
Then take a moment to give that part of you that feels angry, sad, disappointed, anxious, jealous, unworthy, a big HUG by crossing your arms across your chest.
When that part of you feels ACKNOWLEDGED, SAFE and LOVED, you create an entirely new space with which to create a different outcome for yourself and the other.
4. RESPOND
Now you have empowered yourself to take inspired action or non-action by RESPONDING from a place of LOVE and ACCEPTANCE.
That may mean that you tell someone, “No, thank you” instead of “Hell NO!” Or it may mean you do nothing and go about your day with a big smile on your face because you have loved a part of yourself that really needed it. Or it may mean that you come up with an idea that is mutually beneficial for both of you that you may not have considered when you were in a state of conflict.
Whatever the case, you will have FREED yourself from fighting with the other and given to yourself the LOVE that it was needing at this time. That’s how to stop fighting and start loving, and life is a whole lot more fun that way.
