When you think of God, most will envision a large man with a white beard and long robe living in the clouds, checking on his followers to see if they are reading his book and praising his name; biding his time before he sends his special son Jesus Christ to come back to Earth to capture all of the chosen people into the heavens, so they can spend the rest of eternity playing the harp. While sitting joyfully on puffy white clouds simultaneously, non-believers burn for eternity and hellfire on scorched Earth.
Does this sound like a loving God to you?
This was the image of our Divine Creator I was raised to believe. And that’s why for most of my life, I hated God and Jesus. I especially had vengeful spite for Jesus Christ. Because he was the sole focus of my mom’s love. I believed that these two were make-believe characters written by a man in a book designed to keep people under control through fear of death.
If religion could not provide me with answers, then I would rely on science. Earth was just a spinning ball floating in infinite space amongst billions of planets, so life itself was a series of random chances where nothing really mattered. Human existence was stemming from natural evolution from primates confirming we originated from basic instinctual, animalistic behavior – that the sole purpose of human life was to procreate and to murder each other through senseless violence.
These beliefs instilled a sense of worthlessness and desperation at a very young age—a slave to established DNA with no hope for meaningful personal change. I had to bear the cards I was dealt. If there was a higher power out there, it wanted me to suffer. What kind of loving father would willfully limit his son’s potential?
Because of this hatred in my heart, I struggled through life suffering from suicidal thoughts and deep-seated anger towards myself for existing in the first place. I thought I was cancer, a mistake in an unforgiving world.
Abandoning any semblance of faith in a higher power cut me off from feeling with my heart. Logic and reason were kings. Science, provable data, facts, and figures were all that mattered to me. If it couldn’t be proven, I was one hundred percent against it. That encouraged me to follow my ADHD diagnosis like a religion. When I received the news, it finally gave me a sense of relief that everything I struggled with: incapable of retaining information from class lectures, locking myself out of my car for the sixth time, failing most of my grades. It all made sense. I was a defective product, a mistake, a glitch, a weak link in the evolutionary chain.
These beliefs sent me further down a spiral of despair. I barely put any effort, if at all, into anything. I figured that I would never match my peers, never make my parents proud, never find respect for myself. So, it was better for me to just give up and drift through life, seeking escape through parties filled with drugs and alcohol, desperately trying to find anyone who could love me for the mess I was. From the age of sixteen to twenty-six, I didn’t last more than a few months being single, ignoring women, and keeping them around only for sex. I liked the distraction. When I wasn’t working at a job I hated, I was sitting in my parent’s basement, vegetating in front of the television screen. My alone time consisted only of video games, movies, tv shows, posting to social media, or texting my girlfriend at the time. I didn’t like to read, thought it was too complicated because I couldn’t hold my attention for more than a few minutes. And was never able to find any book I liked which cut me off from developing potential skills and learning opportunities. Any type of deep learning that required an investment of time or reasonable challenge was quickly abandoned.
For ten years, I had no direction, no passion, no willpower, or self-confidence. I would spend hours in the bed after morning, just hoping I could sleep my life away. The only times I ever felt alive was when there were a few pills of molly in my belly or acid on my tongue. That is what I was living for, that feeling in those altered states that I could conquer the world while at the same time having a sense of all-encompassing joy, compassion, and ecstasy; feeling like a puddle, burnt out on my couch listening to techno music while bright multi-colored flashing lights dance on my bedroom ceiling. But what goes up must come down and my come-down after coming off the drugs made me feel ten times worse about myself and the state of my life.
Eventually, after all of that darkness, I discovered that what I believed all those years ago when I was a kid turned out to be wrong. The Earth was not some random spinning ball amongst billions of planets, that God was not man-made, that humans did not evolve from apes. I am special, all of humanity is, and we all have great importance for existing. Everything I was raised to believe was a lie.
Once clarity was found in the truth of who I really was and why I came here, my heart burst open. Finally, let my Suttle slip-ups and mistakes go.
I created recorded messages telling me how much I was in love with myself and sharing encouraging messages to keep fighting.
I greatly valued my alone time dressing to the nines each day, cooking myself full meals at supper time.
I became less interested in finding a woman in my life and more about searching for knowledge to understand who I really was.
I meditated at first and then was guided to learn to pray and express gratitude for my life.
I connected with mother nature: taking long walks, listening to birds’ songs, sitting out on the beach watching waves crash against the shore, lying down in grassy fields, peering up at the bright sun in the sky.
I began listening to uplifting and cheerful music about finding your inner power and praising God.
I learned about grace, forgiveness, redemption, acceptance, and unconditional love.
I no longer reacted to the drama or insults of others.
I started seeing myself in everyone.
I began to care so much for people that I devoted myself to showing others how to re-discover the Divine Creator within each of them.
Most of my existence has consisted of blindly accepting limiting beliefs that blocked my ability to see the truth of who I really was, which had a devastating impact on the direction of my entire life.
I had to experience that feeling of separation and darkness, to truly appreciate my Father’s love. The beliefs of fundamental Christianity and other religions and spiritual faiths would have you believe that you are a victim, a follower who can only find your strength when you read a bible, donate to your church, or follow the teachings of an “enlightened guru”.
True Spirituality, Christian Mysticism, Buddhism, Judaism, Islam, Hinduism – all teach only of the unification in all things, the connection we all share to one another. These are the teachings that inspire and encourage each brother and sister of The Divine Creator towards unconditional love. Inner peace, mutual acceptance, divine oneness, personal authority, and inner power, the Christ consciousness spark lives within each of us. Know that the truth is to help awaken our spirit from slumber within our physical body. So, we can manifest and bring into alignment all our hopes and dreams, feeling complete on the inside and sharing that wholeness in creating the new Earth.
