The saying goes, “be careful what you ask for!” I manifested Mr. Right and the lifestyle to go with it. However, early on in the relationship, I noticed that whenever I mentioned anything to do with Healing, the energy between us would change dramatically and inevitably we would have an argument.
It caused such a huge conflict in our relationship, that I suppressed that part of myself because I loved him. He took care of me, I had no financial worries in the world; we had a great lifestyle together.
I was a new sailor but we decided to sail to the Caribbean. Six months before we left a series of events happened in his life which left him extremely stressed with a major personality change. It was a crazy time to leave! I suggested we postpone it for a year. He was determined to go.
We sailed from the Mediterranean Sea across the Atlantic Ocean. What should have been the most romantic wondrous amazing time of my life was filled with upset, sadness, anger, fighting and deep resentment. I was so out of balance.
Eight months later back in England, I thought things would be much easier. Solid ground for a start, space, a normal lifestyle. But things were terrible. I wondered how I got myself into this self-created hell!
One day walking in the woods, despairing, I found a blue heart-shaped stone and at that moment I had a huge spiritual shift realizing that until I was totally self-sufficient and 100% responsible for my own life, I would never be happy!
I went up to Yorkshire where I raised my children and sat in a sacred ceremony with my Medicine People. At one point, I was sitting around a fire with five people I had only just met earlier that day. They started singing beautiful Medicine Woman healing songs.
I could feel my emotions rising. Soon I put my hand over my eyes and began to weep. They just kept singing and holding space. I cried my heart out.
While I was releasing I thought, “Wow, I feel so held, totally not judged, really appreciated for my ability to be vulnerable and by people I just met today! God, my life doesn’t look ANYTHING like this! Yet this is exactly how my life used to look! How did I stray so far from my path?” I grieved for that too. Soon the song ended, along with my tears.
About five minutes later I stood there in all my shamanic power expanding the energy of one of the group members. The rest were totally silent witnessing this and I felt completely seen, respected and honoured for the healer I am. It was absolutely empowering on every level. Small tokens of love were exchanged and the talking stick was passed around the circle. When it came to me I expressed my deep appreciation and gratitude for each person who lovingly held space for my process.
It was perhaps the most profound healing I have ever received in my life, allowing this new soul part to be welcomed into me and really integrate. I knew then that I had to end my relationship, and I understood why I had manifested it. The universe does work in mysterious ways. I needed to discover for myself firsthand the life I thought I wanted, explore the good, the bad the ugly and do the shadow work so I could rise with a whole new level of self-awareness and wisdom. So I could finally Come Home to myself.
The following week was my Kick-Off call with Spiritual Biz Bootcamp. Once I called in that soul part, every single thing started clicking into place in my life! I feel only gratitude for my now ex-partner for his massive generous role in my Becoming. I’m sure I will return to some of those glorious Caribbean locations in the future with healer friends but I’ll fly there like a normal person (in business class of course)! Meanwhile, I couldn’t be happier than sitting around a fire chanting, rattling and laughing with people who celebrate me living my truth. Full circle.
