Dear Spiritual Lightworkers,
I have been thinking about you in the past few weeks because I have a question. I haven’t produced anything in almost two years. I’m a lightworker musician who isn’t making music. I’m a mentor who isn’t mentoring. I have no new content to offer, no committed work to a cause, no tangle offers of any kind. I admit that at times I have sunk into guilt, that I am not doing my part to make the world a brighter place.
My question is one I present to you, but one only I can answer….
As I offer nothing whatsoever for the great shifts occurring on the planet today, can I still call myself a lightworker?
I felt mostly like a rocking world-changing lightworker during my five traveling years between 2015-2019. I sang my original heartfelt songs as a musician traveling through 14 countries, all within a gift economy model. I was fierce, fearless, and pumping the message into the air across the United States, Canada, Europe, and Asia that our wildest dreams can indeed come true, and that it is imperative that we pursue those dreams of our hearts for the ultimate health and wellbeing of humanity. The feedback I received was immense. Fear was dissipating. Lives were changing.
Then I got sick.
I put my traveling musical life on pause, temporarily closed down my mentorship business for lightworker musicians, and focused entirely on healing the severe debilitating eczema rash that currently covers my entire body and sucks my energy dry.
There are a couple of bright sides, however, to all of the physical misery. My relationship with the Earth with her healing fruits and vegetables has become so deep and humbling. My relationship with the Divine Feminine has become immensely compassionate, full, and enriching. These two experiences are the golden sunshine of this era in my life.
Except when the guilt sets in. Am I still a lightworker when I can barely get off the couch?
Well, this question is why I have been thinking about you, all those out there rocking it. With the lightworker community as my witness, I’ve come to a foundational conclusion.
I am enough. Without producing regular content to prove it, I am enough. Without promising that this era will be complete someday and I’ll do better later, I am enough. Most importantly, when I release the guilt of needing light work to look any other way than what is, even as I spend days in my pajamas, I am enough.
Huge lesson for me.
For those who choose to believe that I am a lightworker when all I do is take healing baths and healing naps and drink healing smoothies, I am humbled to stand (or lay down) in the battalion with you as a fellow warrior of the light. As you shine through your life, I quietly shower you with my gratitude and blessings for how you are offering the world your light. Thank you for being on the frontlines out there. What I can offer is that I will continue to learn what I’m learning, and continue to be who I am. And because I truly am a lightworker on the frontlines of my own battles, I dedicate this era of my life to overcoming my darkness and blessing all humanity with my truest radiance. Traversing through it all from the confines of the couch.
With my love,
Emily
PHOTO: In the photo, you can barely see the severe rash on my face at all. Mostly, though, I chose this photo because I wanted you to see my eyes. My body is tired. But my spirit is strong. I will heal.
I love you.
