When I was first asked this question by my Coach, I was unsure what he meant. Of course, I was coaching. I have been coaching my team for almost 10 years. But was I? Would there not have been more success if I was a successful Coach or was I Coaxing? What are you choosing?
Now it might appear simple to distinguish between the two but for me, that was not the case.
Coaching is asking questions. Asking them what they are going to be accountable for, holding them to it. If they don’t do what they say they are going to do, asking them more questions, and determining next steps.
Coaxing is taking on more responsibility that they are willing to for THEIR success. Still not clear? Let me give you an example.
You give your team a deadline for a project that will bring them and the whole team success. The day before you remind them of the deadline. The morning of you remind them of the deadline. If they miss the deadline you chase them for the work.
This is Coaxing.
You are more bought into their work, their project and them meeting their targets and goals than they are.
Coaching, on the other hand, would give them the assignment. Give them the deadline. Ask them what they will do to ensure that they meet their deadline. If they don’t have a conversation where you ask them what occurred and what they are going to do about it. Then you get to choose what you are going to do about it.
This puts the accountability and success habit adjustment back into their hands. The only one that can change their success is them. Just like you are the only one who can change your success.
So the next question is – do you desire to be coached into greatness or coaxed into staying the same?
Coaching is about polishing their talent. Helping them to increase and better their talent. Coaching is about inspiring them through opportunity, culture and the environment that you provide.
HOWEVER, if their habits are such that they do not desire to be coached but rather coaxed. Everything goes out the window. Nothing will stick. Why? Because success will only stick to you because you are doing their work.
Are you doing your work, or are your habits reliant on coaxing from others so that you are not fully responsible or accountable?
The questions I am asking you are showing you that this is a two-way street. It is kind of like a pass it forward behavior so that no one receives massive amounts of success.
So how do you overcome this?
Ask.
Truth am I coaching here or coaxing here?
Truth am I desiring to be coached here or coaxed here?
Super simple. Total game changer.
