Everything is fine.
Then the phone rings.
A conversation occurs where you know you’ll never be the same again. Everything feels shaky, dizzy, confusing. In truth, you’re in shock. You have a lot of miles to walk before you reach clarity.
Here are 7 helpful tools I pack for the journey after that disorienting phone call. These tools make undesired life “adventures” much easier to navigate.
1. I give myself time and space to feel. You will first find me in the driveway. I may be sitting in the passenger’s side of the car under a blanket, blowing my nose and sobbing my eyes out without restraint. The car is my private place where I can emote; ugly and loudly. When it comes to feeling, I don’t mess around. I know if I don’t allow the feelings to be released from my body in a healthy way, they will squirm out in repressed ways far less ideal than a little wailing and nose blowing.
2. I walk toward what I am resisting. There’s power and purpose waiting to be claimed. Whatever is coming up inside me is waving a flag at me and asking to be loved and healed. On my most recent life hike, I had already resisted healing a certain trigger several times over the years. When it came up again waving its little flag, it was painful, but no surprise. Here it was, all charged up and ready to trigger me in the name of me finally attaining my greatest evolutionary good. I could resist the power hiding in the event once more. But that would just lead to the inevitable replay in my life over and over until at last I reclaim my power and neutralize the charge. Our difficult experiences hold a deeper purpose. They offer the potential to remember the empowered eternal souls we really are.
3. I give myself small comforts. When going on uncomfortable life adventures, I like to pack a few treats that will make the journey softer. These can be small joys. For example, I love a certain brand of organic, gluten-free crackers that are a special treat for me. After being hit with that dreary phone call, I stock my pantry with a couple of boxes, ready to go. This tool may seem obvious or silly, but I include it to avoid hitting “breaking points”. We’ve all seen examples of people getting that phone call and then losing themselves completely in unhealthy, uncharacteristic choices. Instead, buy a few special candles. Wrap yourself in a soft, weighted blanket. Stock the fridge with easily prepped food. Planning in advance to immerse yourself in small comforts during a difficult time can make a huge difference in softening the blow.
4. I push the “pause button” on relationships who won’t get it. Some of our loved ones mean well, but they don’t all know how to walk with us through the rocky times. Because I still want to keep those relationships, however, I have learned to install a “pause” button. When relevant, I actively let well-meaning loved ones know that I’m in the middle of a project and they may not hear from me for a while. They appreciate not being ignored, and I eliminate the exhaustion of superficial conversations, one-sided check-ins, and slapping on a fake happy smile for their benefit. The project I am working on is ME, and hitting the pause button on those kind, “well-meaning” relationships for a few weeks gives me the time and energy to focus on the task at hand.
5. I train my closest loved ones on how I want support. On the contrary, for those who really do get it and I desire to have them walk alongside me, I don’t leave those special loved ones guessing. I feel it is my opportunity to train the people in my life how I want to be loved. The good news here is that it goes both ways. Your loved one gets to train you how to love them best, too. This step takes time and loads of communication, but the training is well worth it. Within these most masterfully finessed relationships, either one of us can go deep in our work when times are rough, knowing we don’t have to just hope we’re showing up for each other. We really, really are.
6. I schedule celebrations. “Celebrate in advance!” A mentor once taught me that concept when navigating the rough spots. Why not pull out the firecrackers now? A good celebration makes all the horrible-ness feel better. Life’s adventures are just as important to celebrate as a college graduation. Since life work goes on forever and ever, and there is never a stopping date to the evolutionary growth, it feels vital to honor all our crazy inner work by setting celebration dates on the calendar as we go. I celebrate exactly who I am on that day no matter how much inner work I’ve gotten done so far, knowing I’m about to start learning new things the very next moment.
7. I document my journey. This has been a hard one for me. Who wants to have those disastrous rants recorded when I’ll probably not mean anything I wrote even hours later? But I never regret it when I document. For me, it can mean writing in a handwritten journal or keeping a document open on my laptop. For a period of time, I took “before” and “after” photos of a horrendous skin condition I experienced which assisted me to see my healing progress. Documenting the journey offers a secondary purpose too. My story serves others like a map who are navigating the same journey. However and whenever I desire to share my story, every detail I record expands my capability to offer others true compassion.
Life’s unexpected calls and undesired adventures are never easy. But packing a few tools, you’re on your way to make the journey a little softer as you get to the other side.
