Have you ever looked in the mirror and repeated I am statements? Or wrote a positive outcome on a sticky note to read over and over again?
If so, you care about yourself and you’re striving for more.
That’s a wonderful thing.
The not so wonderful thing is maybe your end result was not the one you were looking for.
And you think to yourself, did I do it wrong? Isn’t this what works for people?
Here are 3 likely reasons the affirmations didn’t produce magic for you.
- Repetition is key
I’m sure you’ve heard of this before and can apply it to many areas of your life where you are striving to achieve success. It’s the most overlooked ingredient in my eyes and can take many forms, such as reading, listening, or visualizing.
We live in a world of instant gratification and the biggest problem people face with affirmations is giving up when they don’t see immediate results. The conscious mind says, “alright already, I get it, you can stop now”. But it’s not the conscious mind that even needs the convincing in the first place.
The key to affirmation success is getting the subconscious on board and believing the affirmation at its core. Until then, the affirmation just remains a simple phrase with no power.
At first, your mind may not want to accept or believe it’s possible but through consistent repetition, it can be done. The subconscious mind LOVES repetition. How long and how much repetition varies from person to person and situation to situation but on average it takes 66 days for a new neural pathway to form. Meaning you need to repeat your affirmations for a minimum of 66 days, or they will lose power.
Pro tip: Practice repetition right upon waking, just before going to sleep, or in meditation. Your subconscious mind is most malleable during these times.
- Your subconscious mind needs re-programming
Here is the thing, if someone stands in the mirror and consciously tells themselves they are beautiful and successful, but they believe at their core they are ugly and worthless the red alert button sets off in the subconscious mind.
The subconscious says knock knock..excuse me.. you’re not beautiful, you’re not successful! Of course, the conscious choosing mind continues to fight and before you know it, you’re even worse off than when you started. You’re in a tiring energetic battle that’s manifested into physical stress, you feel guilty because your subconscious doesn’t believe you are beautiful and successful, and you feel powerless in changing your trajectory.
Our subconscious programming, aka our beliefs, is established in the first 6 years of our life. As children we are passive sponges that observe, record, believe, and accept most things from the outside world. We then carry these beliefs to our adult lives and to be frank most of them are completely false and need to be replaced.
For example, you could have some negative beliefs around money as you always heard your parents say, “rich people are greedy”. Maybe you have insecurities around relationships thinking “they are unsafe” because you grew up in an abusive household. Or perhaps you were always made wrong in the classroom so now you believe “I’m incapable”.
The good news is that there are plenty of ways to reprogram the subconscious mind, my favorite way to change beliefs subconsciously is utilizing NLP techniques such as hypnosis, time techniques, and single belief change. It’s truly fun!
- You have conflicting parts
Let’s take a look at an example. Your affirmation was “I am healthy and fit” and you were strongly committed. You meal prepped, got the gym membership, and adjusted your sleep habits. But suddenly you then found yourself subconsciously hitting snooze, saying screw it to the cookies, and cutting gym time down in half. You catch your contradictive behavior and get mad at yourself for “falling off”.
Maybe you are left super confused. Part of you really wanted to be healthy and fit but the other part of you really wanted to sleep in and eat the cookie. Do I have an alter ego? Why am I self-sabotaging?
Would you believe me if I told you that the part of you that wanted to snooze, eat the cookie, and cut down on the gym time had just as pure of intentions as the part of you who wanted to meal prep, go hard in the gym, and have wonderful sleep habits?
Now you’re really confused, I know. Let me explain.
The part of you that was “self-sabotaging” was just wanting to feel good in the moment, it’s the same thing the part of you who wanted to work out and have healthy habits wanted. The problem is these parts are not working together as a team. In fact, the “I want to feel good in the moment” message probably wasn’t even in your awareness.
The goal is to understand and meet the need of the conflicting part as it will reduce sabotaging and rebel behaviors. You can always ask yourself the question “for what purpose” to understand the need deeper.
An NLP technique called parts integration allows the opposing parts to understand the other’s intention and in turn creates harmony between the parts of the unconscious mind. This will leave you feeling aligned, empowered, and clear in your decisions and actions.
